I have had a few strange things happen to me over the last month or so, and I’ve realised what has happened. Egos have got in the way.
Being a performer is a funny thing. You see, you walk onto some kind of ‘stage’ and you have to believe that what you are about to say (musically, or otherwise) is worth other people paying to listen to. It takes a fair amount of self-belief and self-confidence. And then people clap, and congratulate you, and want to talk to you, and so for a small amount of time, you feel very loved, and validated, and important.
And then everyone goes away. And you are just normal-old-you again.
As a concert organiser, sometimes you have to be really firm about what you will do, and remind people that you won’t teach-as-well-for-nothing, or perform-for-their-worthy-cause-for-nothing-because-you-have-to-pay-the-rent, and I think sometimes I am perceived as a bit of a problem.
So where does a I’m-just-trying-to-make-a-living stop and now-I’m-actually-being-a-prick start?
You see, I think sometimes performers forget that people don’t always love them, and their way is not always right, and what comes out of their mouth is not always the most important thing to listen to right now (actually, come to think of it, I know a few ex-principals who are like that too…).
In Timor there is a great saying – ‘We all need to eat the same sort of rice.’ I like it. I also like that the kids I teach remind me that they don’t give two hoots who I am on the weekend, and how many people I’ve played to. They just want a good music lesson.
But I seem to have stumbled over a few monsters over the last few weeks. I hope that I am not like that to others. It’s a good lesson to learn for me…..